I Don't Miss You But I Do

You can say it all you want, you can claim all you will, but nothing ever goes without a memory instilled. A treasure of the heart not necessarily a thing you want, but the heartache is enough and a sensation that thrills your gut. The bitter taste of morning, the after taste of things is just like the times when you are deserting me. I accept your cruel existence, that buries all struggles for resistance, to feeling that I am irrevocably missing someone I feel is my light to go the distance.

I may hate you today, but I will love you tomorrow. I may think for a second of you and be ground in to sorrow, but just your voice a mere whisper turns my world out purely blissful. I may plunge into a dark abyss, but you will show me the light through darkness, and for that I feel horrible envy towards you. You, who seems unaffected by me as I am effected by you.

Where Are They?

Sunshine shed your light on me
Reveal the path I should be following
I'm trying to find it, I've gone off road
Seen some people I will never know like me.

They just put a barrier up
Trying to cover their hearts with nonsense of
Being a fan of the biggest band
Wearing the clothes that they truly find drab
And I wonder why they try to be
Pleasing to the majority
Not themselves, to hell!
Don't be who you are
'Cause no one will like you
Unless you are, who you aren't.

So where I've been hasn't worked for me
'Cause everyone wants me to not be me
There's no one like me
I'm truly unique
But in other words I happen to be just plain me
I like it that way Though it's a pretty lonely life
Trying to discover people alright
Personally I think It's too much work to pretend
To be some annoying kid's best friend
Though it's up to you
Send my regards to your heart so bruised.

Sunshine is it really your fault?
Maybe it's the people who've got it all wrong
Thinking that they shouldn't be just themselves
Not letting out emotions so dear and heartfelt.

Warm up their hearts
Kindle a fire
'Cause would-be best friends aren't
Here to be hired
Not to be bought
But made as you sought
Someone to understand you
And open your heart.

Loners

Gone
We disappear from the very face of existence
Sure
You can see us, but not as we are
Look
We're on our own and observe the world around us alone
Wants
We NEED love
Voices
Someone, please shout for us out loud
Bring us back.
Hellfire will soon consume us all
Forever shall Satan doom us
The devil's realm will be filled
Feel
The thrumming of our hearts are unbearable
Risks
We hardly follow our dreams and we envy those so obscene
Fear
Chills creep up our spines every time, waiting for something to go wrong
Mind
Our thoughts are securely preserved
We wait for one to cause its opening
We wait for our chains to become unleashed.
...One day we hope to fly with the angels...

Get Over It

More specifically him.

You lost your chance and you can't consume yourself with this web of regret that has spun around you and has trapped you in the dark. You can't see him as your sunshine any longer, because with sunshine comes a storm that rages when the sun sleeps and hides away. It's been an eclipse for you since he left, leaving all this drama behind him and too many words left unsaid. Too many beautiful, treasured moments that you can never forget. But you know he's there, you have contact now-you want to blurt it all out, relinquish yourself of the chains and weights holding you down. It's wrong though, he can't still feel the same-besides he said it himself to a friend. He's over you, he just wants to be friends, and you should want that too. No matter how much your heart pounds, you have to wait longer, you have to see him again.

It's been years, he had to have changed.

Could he still be the one you adore? The one you go to sleep and think about as the one you love. "I love him," you try to convince yourself, it seems. "He loves me," you wish to believe. But you have to get over him. Get over those piercing blue eyes that you'd trust with your very own life, the ones that were filled with life, making you believe in eternal life. Everyday he made the day much better, and everyday you grew to realize a soft feather. It was a feather that had touched you, and got you to see, that this was the somebody you'd been dying to meet. But you were scared, so young, unsure, since he was soon to go, but could it be that the torment was worse? ---Not seeing to your heart, following through, to tell him I love you, and hear an I love you too.

You got over him...for a little while, but guess what? He's come back.

There's a ring of the doorbell, your mom calls you down, says it's a friend, the boy without a doubt. You can't hide your joy. You're closer to him, you try to show signs, signs that you still love him, but it's not clear to his eyes. Or so it seems and he bides his time.

Now that you look back it is clear to see, that you weren't the only one struggling.

You were sure of your love, he seemed sure of it too, but yet no words of love shared between you. Can't help but wonder, can't help but believe, that if one of you had confessed, sadness would be a thing of a far, far away past. Smiles and days of happiness so bright would shed a new light in this life of yours and mine. He was such a likable guy. Some found him annoying, hyper, and bright. He was my bright yellow sunshine. Sure he was blinding, hurt my eyes, though he got me to see that there was still hope for you and for me. As long as he lives, as long as amnesia doesn't cloud your poor soul, you'll always have him to crawl back to on all fours.

Sure he might be taken (he is by me)
Sure he could find someone better
(Or someone just like me)
But I'm counting on the weather
(And the someone to be me)
To be a hundred percent cloud free.

Though my biggest hope is to get over him. God he just makes me so love-sick!

Beauty is...

Look around.

I see beauty in so many things. I see the world in my own view, it can be dark, but I like to see it through. Just one smile, it's all I ask of you. Happiness, 'cause I give it to you. I want to be the only one sad, if you are at least someone who has nothing to bind them. Nothing to lose, but don't we ever lose it? Don't we try to believe in, things that are so foolish?

Describing you.

Sweet, beautiful music. I try to sing it, but I can't. No note describes you. Words, passionate, loving. I try to write it, but I can't. No word describes you. No matter the place, paradise follows you. My heart is your place. Never are my days so hard. Singing it loud and large. Just writing a love song-it is my job. To show you how you are. How much I love you. How beautiful is the world, revolving around you. When you open my eyes, everything's lovely. Nothing seems to die, nothing at all ugly. Just everything is beautiful, just like you. Though it is still hard to describe you. The way, the feel-you are to me. The happiness divine you send on the wind to me. My god. I love you. (-Not about anyone in particular. It is how I feel towards anyone I ever love.)

Clouded.

I view you as my world, that you yourself cannot rule. You, that person I might find special. As in the Canterbury Tales, I am a woman, and I like to have power. Don't view me as an arrogant, persistent love bird. Don't see me as weak and easy to manipulate, because I will be sure to give you a run for your money. You can blame it on my soul, but it's who I am. I am my own flower taking in the sunshine that I provide. One smile on your face, it lights the skies and it makes me happy- even sad song occasionally. It's nice to know that, I can be so sad and sing it 'cause I'm happy someone understands.

Sadness.

It shows an innocent purity. It shows a world of emotion, incomparable to the others. Torment, fear, atonement unclear. Killings and suicides it makes for a big nose dive. Depression is now classified, as an ailment, the toughest to fight in our time. It leaves you breathless, mouth completely dry, you want to sit in a corner, waiting to die. You can be confused having been mislead, or a spirit, the undead. Who haunts to no end, as it tries to avenge its unruly death. You could be a teenage cutie, crushed by the world's realistic conclusion: that it is time to freakin get over him.

A Little Introduction

Give me a sad song.

Not to be drastic, but it's what I do. Contemplating emotions, showing you, how it effects me and leaves me to conclude: that I'm too young still and foolish. To dream for the brightest of futures. I have faith that's too strong, in the love we're all searching for.

Emily Dickinson all the way!

I'm way too emotional, stricken and strewn, by the time that I'm doomed, I'm sure I'll have some wood fashion to be nailed to. Just like the cross, the most painful of deaths, all alone with my twelve-hundred cats. My English teacher once told me, Dickinson lived alone writing poetry. Kept her distance from people, so she was nuts and rightfully labeled. I hope to go insane too, and have future generations blown away by my ingenious books. Shoot! Sounds like the best life for me, because of my writing, guys think I'm too good to be. <3